Leaving a Toxic Workplace: Leap of Faith or No-Brainer?

“You know it’s there; you feel it—that dreaded feeling, churning deep in your gut when yet another Monday arrives.  

You have to pump and prime yourself to survive another soul-sucking week at an agency or company that you’d rather disappear into the ether (because of the chronic unhealthy vibes).

“If it’s toxic and you know it, clap your hands. Clap, clap!” If this is you, the writing is on your office room wall (or home office wall if you work remotely) that you may need to consider leaving a toxic workplace.

But, is this decision a leap of faith or a no-brainer decision?

The Real-T truth is that you will need to decide for yourself. Before making this weighty decision, you must recognize the signs that something is toxic in the first place.

In the premier LALA (Love & Life Antics) post, I talk about recognizing the signs that something is unhealthy and then planning your exit from toxic situations.

Leaving a Toxic Workplace: A Journey to Personal Empowerment

As for myself, over a month ago, after assessing the signs of yet another toxic work culture, and after almost five years, at the end of July 2023, I made the decision to resign from my position as a treatment counselor at a particular agency.

However, this wasn’t a knee-jerk reaction, but took about one year of careful planning and building my frustration tolerance (so I could effectively navigate the adversity I endured).

No, it wasn’t all bad, but it was bad enough, so I pulled the plug.

Why did I leave?

I was burned out to the core. I was giving, giving, and giving, and getting more and more shenanigans (from bunk management). My colleagues and I were suffering. Turnover was high.

The agency had already lost a whopping 20 counselors in the past year. I wasn’t staying until I had nothing left— so I bounced. I had decided my physical and mental health are Numero Uno.

Are you wondering what’s up for the next chapter for me?

Basically, the tech field. I decided to become a career changer at 38 years old, and come November, I will be returning to school for a new career in UX/UI design—the psychology and design behind creating delightful digital product experiences.

Because leaving a toxic workplace is a big decision, we need to do our due diligence by carefully evaluating it from all angles.

This puts us in the driver’s seat of responsibility, accountability, and self-empowerment.  

The point is that you should mull it over thoroughly when making the decision to leave. Take your time.

Get crystal about your reasons (whether it’s for your mental health, emotional health, or a combination of those factors).

Finally, resigning required weighing all factors on the scale of what I like to call decisional balance.

This rolls into the next point nicely.

Weighing the Pros and Cons of Chuckin’ Up the Deuces

The decision to leave was both a leap of faith and a no-brainer for me. In other words, the answer is not always so clear-cut when you finally strike up the gumption to throw up the deuces to your employer or boss.

This takes thoughtful consideration and we need to summon life skills to help us with that process.

While I often wax on about swiftly hitting the eject button when you have the displeasure of encountering the antics of emotionally unavailable partners (and friends), when it comes to our careers, there are extra layers of complexities that require careful consideration.

We need to weigh the pros and cons.

Let’s keep it to one thousand!

When you are working in a septic tank of a work environment, many of us have that glorious fantasy of writing our resignation letter, then one day randomly showing up to the job and ramming it down our current employers’ throat — proudly riding off into the sunset (doesn’t that feel visual feel good? Hehehe. Snicker.)

Activating Decisional Balance

However, we need to activate a higher-order thinking process called decisional balance. This will ensure that in the long-term we are not making a regretfully impulsive decision.

When we engage in decisional balance, we activate the part of our brain called the pre-frontal cortex.

It’s responsible for the executive functions of our brain (e.g., decision-making, problem-solving, planning and organization, inhibitory control, and emotional regulation).  

This part of the brain is reflexive meaning that is dedicated to reflecting on action before its taken.

We may contemplate leaving a company for a myriad of reasons—burnout, the toxic workplace culture, lack of work-life balance, or simply for professional growth.

The key here is that we DO indeed contemplate, think it over carefully, by engaging the reflexive part of our brains (hitting the pause button on the reactive primitive part of the brain that is designed for survival).

Leaving an unhealthy situation means a significant change that needs evaluation before action.

When we engage in decisional balance, we invest in examining the benefits of change, the benefits of not changing, the costs of change, and the costs of not changing.  

This approach provides a high-level overview of the specific reasons we are leaving a toxic workplace (or even an unhealthy relationship).

For over ten years I’ve used this tactic with my clients (and myself) when the rubber meets the road of change. It’s called The Pros and Cons Decision-Making Matrix.

It’s a list of four simple yet profound questions that can help you decide if it’s time to leave and give that job, person, place, or thing, the heave-ho!

4 Key Questions of the Decisional Balance Technique

On the pathway to becoming more emotionally available, one important aspect of this process is learning to be our own best friend— essentially learning to trust our intuitive ability to make informed decisions.

That said, intuitive does not mean a half-hazard decision-making process where we consult with the witchin’ sisters of the WB™ TV show Charmed to conjure up a favorable magical outcome (because we just “feel it”). 

In fact, intuition is quite the opposite. Intuition is a deep sense of something based on patterns, themes, and a gut-level understanding of the “bigger picture” (usually based on some reference point like prior experience whether through observation or hands-on acquired knowledge).

Learning to transcend the need for approval from people or circumstances that fail to validate us is essential.

One way of doing this is putting the responsibility squarely on ourselves to sort things out in Toxic Town (adding in a little prayer too won’t hurt).  

The Pros and Cons Decision-Making Matrix

Are you ready? Okay, get a piece of paper, draw a big square, and divide it into four quadrants.

Label each quadrant (I, II, III, IV). Next, write the four questions below in each respective section, and start asking yourself these four profound questions:

Quadrant I: The Benefits of Change

Ask yourself, “What are the benefits of making a change and leaving this toxic work environment?”

Here, we are focusing on the positive outcomes that will be a byproduct of finally giving your employer the axe.

What good will come from it?

Will you salvage your dignity, self-esteem, and mental health?

Or perhaps, have more time to focus on your creative pursuits, your freelance hustle, or more time for your family after you leave the Dragon’s Lair?

Get super detailed— list ’em all out, every last one of them!

Quadrant II: The Costs of Change

Next, consider and ask yourself, “What will making this change cost me?”

This is where you focus on the investment of time and resources and the potential risks associated with resigning from a toxic job.

This is where you drill down if you are going to quit a toxic job without one lined up or if will you stick it out while you interview for other opportunities.

Which approach makes the most sense for you?

For me, it was as if God and the universe made the decision for me. During my year of planning, I did everything in my power to stay.

This included applying to positions in other agency departments for which I was eligible. I passed the interviews and skills tests for multiple positions with flying colors.

However, I kept getting placed on a candidate waitlist. This was a true sign that my time was up there and also in the field of addictions as a whole.

It was like the Spirit of Change was saying:

“Now, you know you don’t want to be here anymore, why are you still trying to stay? I will fix that. These openings are not working out because they are not for you. Jacen, it’s time to go!”

Needless to say, I got the message.

Quadrant III: The Benefits of Staying the Same

Next, ask yourself, “What are the benefits of not changing?” (i.e., maintaining my status quo)

Let’s keep it a buck! If we are brutally honest with ourselves, we get a payoff for opting to stay in an unhealthy work environment.

One big self-defeating payout is that we get to avoid growth. If we stay then we don’t have to deal with the uncertainty that may follow if we leave.

Maybe we fear that we can’t do any better. Perhaps our needs for security and safety are so extreme that we’re averse to taking a healthy risk to pursue more meaningful work (and take the journey to find our dream job).

When staying in a job we know is toxic and unfulfilling, we get to ignore the warning signs and make excuses.

When we make excuses, we convince ourselves that change is too hard and then we justify getting on with settling for second best.

Quadrant IV: The Cost of Staying the Same

Begin this step by asking yourself, “What will not changing cost me?”— essentially examine the consequences of maintaining your status quo.

There are consequences if we decide that leaving a toxic work environment is just too hard and we are not willing to put in the work to change.

One consequence is that we never realize our potential. This is a concept that psychologist Abraham Maslow calls self-actualization— our human need for purpose and fulfillment.

Toxic work environments often intentionally stymie personal and professional growth, thriving on the fears and insecurities of their employees.

It’s hard to grow in environments like this because the focus is on survival mode (i.e., just getting through the work week dodging those bullets ).

This is opposed to thriving during the work week (i.e., being energized by your work in a setting that truly values your contributions to the company).

Is Your Workplace Shackled Service or Liberating Labor?

Prior to resigning, every day at the office seemed like an unfair prison bid confined within invisible walls.

A gamut of rigid policies and procedures was a hallmark of my state job, but eventually became obstructions stunting my professional and personal growth.

When you’re in a toxic workplace you are essentially in shackled service, “doing your time” where you work, as opposed to “thriving during the time you are at work”.

In Michelle Kulp’s Amazon best-selling book “Quit Your Job and Follow Your Dreams: A 12-Month Guide to Being Joyfully Jobless” ¹ she distinguishes between a “bondage job” and a “freedom job”.

I found the critical difference to be stark. It struck a major chord in my soul. A bondage job will zap your emotional, mental, and physical resources leaving zilch remaining to expand and grow.

Conversely, a freedom job is one that allows for flexibility, expansion, growth, and the space to be creative (Kulp, 2019, pp. 34-36).

We really need to evaluate if we are in a career or job that allows for the full expression of our creativity and professional development.

This became one of the main reasons for bidding adieu to my former job —the work environment became constrictive blocking the flow of my growth.

Also, more importantly, I had outgrown the place and I had been craving a career change for the past two years.

When it comes to an unhealthy work environment, you better believe that you will be required to dim your shine (because there will be limited opportunities for you to grow).

A toxic workplace will restrict the flow of good energy and enhance the flow of negative energy. It’s that way by design.

A Three-fold Approach to Departing A Toxic Workplace

Before we explore our next point, you’ll notice that this blog post title contains the phrase “no-brainer”. This phrase has significance for the next focus of our discussion. Now, let me provide the context.

For Labor Day weekend I attended an intimate BBQ with a buddy of mine. I got out of my shell to mix and mingle a bit. Of course, this predictably led to a question I most detest at social gatherings.

One of the gals in attendance asked, “So, what is that you do?”.

I especially loathe this question during this season in my life because it’s hard to elevator pitch being in a career transition yet temporarily unemployed.

Due to my own avoidance, I naturally let her lead the conversation.  She shared a surprisingly similar experience about leaving a toxic job one year ago. She ended her statement with, “[Leaving] was pretty much a no-brainer for me”.

I silently chuckled in awe because I hadn’t lipped a word to her about my blog article.

Lately, I have been facing waves of self-doubt. However, I took her “no-brainer” comment to be serendipitous confirmation that following through with my strategic resignation was spot on.

Although I am stepping into the unknown as I prepare to enroll in a UX Design school program and transition to a job in tech, I am certain my transferable skills and the lessons learned will provide useful stepping stones.

Keep in mind that If you decide to leave your toxic workplace (for whatever reason), there are three paths you can take—each one has its pros and cons. I will cover one pro and con for each.

These are the three ways you can leave a toxic job:

1. Instantaneous- “The Sudden Walkout”

2. Strategic- “Planning Your Exit”

3. Gradual- “The Slow Distance”

Sidebar: One year ago, for inspiration, I read an obscure Amazon Kindle book. Below, I’ve provided my own addition to his idea with the phrase “slow distance”. I cannot remember the title or author, if you’re the author, please email me for proper attribution.

 The Instantaneous Sudden Walkout

This approach sounds like what it means. You likely spew your fire at em’, cue Olivia’s R&B song “Bizounce”, then leave on the spot.

Or, perhaps you wake up one morning and decide to stick it to them when you arrive for your shift.

Pro: The obvious pro here is that you don’t have to deal with it anymore. You can exclaim “Good riddance!” It will feel good— really good—albeit, for the moment.

Con: The good feeling is often short-term. The adrenaline will settle, and if you don’t mean it, and have not properly prepared with another job or legit savings, you can be arsed out. If you are not ready, think more long-term.

The Strategic Planning of Your Exit

I opted for this tactic. It was the most practical (given my goals and resources). I set a date, got my finances together (as best as I could), and resigned one year from the date of my decision.

However, there were many times when shady things would happen, and I almost chose the instantaneous route (out of unhealthy anger and impulse).

However, with good talks from my family and friends, I was able to reel it in and get back to my strategic plan. I will share one of my pros and cons with you.

Pro: The biggest pro of the strategic approach is being in the driver’s seat. Knowing that you’re required to cope with the office antics but only for a specified time frame (and not a moment longer) gives you an edge.

They don’t know, but you do. It’s all very empowering and you feel less of a victim and more of a victor.

So, when asinine antics continue unfolding, your rage transforms into a silent roar of internal laughter because you know it will last only until the date you’ve set to leave.

Con: The one con I experienced was you have to wait it out. The fruit of the spirit is patience here. You get to feel good about leaving but the real relief comes later at your set date.

This takes maturity and that’s one of the lessons I had to learn— it required the patience of a saint!

The Gradual Slow Distance

Similar to the strategic resignation, with the gradual approach to resigning, you implement a well-thought-out plan.

You slowly create distance from the job with the intent to leave. You may transition from full-time to part-time.

Or, for instance, you may take on a side hustle utilizing your other marketable skill sets, enroll in part-time college, or take on your favorite hobby (so you can cope during the process of a new job search or a new career pivot).

This approach is best suited when you may have financial barriers to resigning sooner— and there is no shame in that!

Pro: One of the clearest benefits to gradually making your exit from a toxic job is that, similarly to the strategic plan, you have the power base.

You begin actively pursuing other avenues during your downtime from the office.

Essentially, your eggs aren’t in one basket. This often makes for a smoother transition into something better suited for you.

Con: The one “ify” thing here is that prolonged exposure to highly toxic work environments can be emotionally, mentally, and physically oppressive.

Remember, anything that is toxic is constrictive in that it will block the flow and the input of good things into your life.

So, just be sure to take care of your mental health if this is your path. Get a good therapist for a sounding board and/or join a support— for real, for real (I did the former).

Wrapping Things Up:

Remember, Leaving a toxic workplace is both a leap of faith and a no-brainer. Use the decisional balance technique to make the best choice for you.

On one hand, it’s often a leap of faith because you are betting on yourself— your values, your sense of self-worth, and knowing you deserve better.

However, sometimes it takes our reality to catch up to these intangibles. Just because we have worth it’s not ipso facto that people will treat us fairly in life.

You will encounter unfairness, especially in a toxic work environment. We have to carve out respect by setting boundaries and knowing when it’s time to walk..

On the other hand, deciding to leave an unhealthy workplace can be a no-brainer because you know deep in your gut that you deserve better and that God has better for you.

Whatever path you choose, ensure that you weigh it on the decisional balance scale by considering the pros and cons of your decision. 

You can choose the instantaneous, strategic, or gradual approaches to bounce the mess out of your life. You deserve to prioritize your growth and well-being.

I leave you with the words of Thema Bryant-Davis, the elected president of the American Psychological Association and a leading researcher on trauma and oppression:

“Don’t get so anxious for something that you’ll accept anything. Hold to your standards and be willing to walk away— head up.” ²

P.S. Thank you to my therapist for inspiring this article. Thank you for years of tolerating my murmuring, my complaining, and your patience as I sort this thing out we call life. Thanks for seeing in me what is sometimes hard to see in myself!

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References:

1. Kulp, M. (2019). Quit your job and follow your dreams: A 12-month guide to being joyfully jobless. Monarch Crown Publishing.

2. Bryan-Davis, T. (Year unknown). Title unknown. Happy Herald. Retrieved from Star Publications, Inc., P.O. Box 810548, Boca Raton, FL 33481-0548.